The Time Has Come: THE BLOG APOCALYPSE

About six months ago I started a blog entitled "I'm Tired of Being a Girl" in which I pretended to be a whiny 19-year-old asian chick who had been anally date-raped by her idiot boyfriend. At the time I was unaware of Blog Explosion and thus resorted to a less-than-clever methodology for getting hits: roving the blogs at blogger.com and leaving insults. Unfortunately, I attracted a huge number of people who either wanted to rape the girl or who wanted to expose my blog as the troll it was. Eventually someone logged my IP address and showed that I was not where my blog claimed, thus discrediting the entire thing. One comment that I remember well was "nice try asshole, but you need to be more creative. An idiot like you could never fool people." Right...

Anyway, I went back to another blog I had been working on with some friends and had some fun for a while, but it just wasn't doing it for me. Thus I conceived of DOCTOR LIFE. I was drinking excessively one day and was trying to come up with a concept to piss people off to the maximum degree. Being a left-wingy liberal kinda guy I figured "hey...what pisses me off?" And then it struck me - Christian Fundamentalists. I carefully crafted (in my drunkenness) a character that was essentially psychopathic and downright obnoxious. The main concept was: What would I think if I was insane? - sort of a Una-Bomber-ish kinda person.

Don't get me wrong, there were some growing pains that almost killed the blog. One day when I was exceedingly wasted, I posted a picture of a man standing at a podium. I claimed him to be my son speaking at a pro-life rally. Amazingly Mike Unnamed, the Assmunch, recognized the man as none other than, the Governor of a US state (I think). He contacted the office of the Governor and asked them to check it out. Thankfully I had the sense to remove the picture before they checked - and they did - it showed up on my stats checker. What ensued was a monumental debate between Mike and I about copyright laws and misrepresenting yourself on the internet. I was amazed at how determined he was to discredit me - he even investigated a made-up organization that I claimed to belong to and found that it did not exist. My God! Who gives a fuck? My next step was going to be constructing a site entitled Mike Sucks Ass, but after consulting my cousin who is a copyright lawyer, I decided that it wasn't worth the trouble, given that Mike is (in my non-libelous/non-slandering opinion) insane. Oh well.

After I had ironed out the wrinkles things started to go well. After I got over the fire-and-brimstone crap that I initially wrote I started to have fun thinking of ideas to offend and shock people. My all-time favourite is "The Olympics: A Rising Sickness". My buddy and I sat around his place getting drunk and stoned (Me drunk, he stoned) and made up the most ridiculous thing we could think of. THE OLYMPICS ARE EVIL!!!! Yeah sure, you retards.

I especially loved pushing the envelope. I informed Blog Explosion that this was a satirical blog, so I was pretty sure I could get away with some of the things I wrote, but holy crap. It is hard to writing blatantly biggotted things without crossing the line. I think I risked it all with "Helping Homosexuals Through Prayer." See, the trick was to make it sound like I genuinely cared about helping homosexuals and to incorporate the backwoods ideas about gays and lesbians - it is a disease and curable. Ha ha.

The funniest thing, I think, was when I started to throw left-wing nonsense at you (both here and in the Shout Box at blog explosion). It was totally unfounded without empirical examples and was totally out of the blue. I can't believe that some of you didn't catch on when I sounded like Noam Chomsky on speed and acid. Seriously. In addition, did you like how Doctor Life was consistently Pro-life? There aren't that many religious zealots who are both anti-abortion and anti-capital punishment. I think there were only a few people that recognized that fact. Oh yeah - and when my wife died...that was to get all of you to sympathize with me. You bunch of bleeding hearts. I guess that was kinda mean, but who cares? This is a blog.

Now, I want to be the first person to say this to all of the people who commented on my blog: YOU ARE ALL RETARDED! Like COME ON! If I really believed all this crap, would you be able to change my mind? I had everything from "I was shaking when I read it...what a scary individual" to "If I ever find you I'm gonna kill you." And then there were the threats to have my blog shut down. (I will get back to the whole freedom of speech thing). Nice try, dinkweeds.

I suppose the real question is, why would someone devote this much time to a fake blog? Why did I spend my time writing garbage to piss people off? Well, first of all - it was fucking funny. You have no idea how much fun my friends and I had reading the pussy-assed, retarded comments. Secondly, I am a total asshole. I wanted to make all of you feel like a bunch of doorknobs. For my own pleasure. Yes, that's right.

But I did have some legitimate reasons as well. I believe that there are serious risks to our cherished freedom of speech in this world. I am not an American, but my country is facing the same challenges to our freedom as the result of the so-called new global order. I wanted to demonstrate that each person, no matter how insane-sounding he or she is, should have the right to voice an opinion. I also wanted to mock Christian Fundamentalism (or religion in general) because I think it is a load of crap. Lastly, I wanted to demonstrate that blogging, while interesting in itself, can be a dangerous game. Blogs should not be taken at face value. They are opinion-based crap spewed from the computers of idiots all over the world. I keep seeing slogans that read: BE THE MEDIA or some such nonsense. Bullshit. There are only a few rare instances in blogging that can qualify as legitimate news or media sources - those are the blogs that are accountable to their readers by being associated with larger media sources. Most people, by and large, are anonymous. Where is the accountability? Remember that.

TO SUM UP
I know that the majority of people who read this post will think to themselves "no, I knew there was something weird going on" or something. Well, sure...but I have the roughly 1,200 comments stored in my yahoo account that prove what idiots you are. I will likely get around to doing a BEST OF comments section on another blog. It will detail the funniest and stupidest comments. And don't bother trying to erase your comments - I have them in my email, like I said. For those of you who were consisten;y skeptical - congrats. I think there were a couple of you fucking wizards out there who suspected something was up. Thank you for not going out of your way to ruin it. Oh, and to those of you who agreed with any of my posts: Bite me. You are psychotic retards. Jesus Christ. You suck.

I would like to send out a special thanks to anyone who posted about this blog. I think I got about 1000 hits from i talk too much by being in 2 voting categories for worst blog or something. They also did too posts that expressed dismay at my extreme views. Suckers. They played right into my hands. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

I know I'm not the most brilliant of trollers. But hey, I was as amused as hell. That's what counts. Over 10,000 hits in three months. Hey, who can complain?

PS - I believe about 1% of the things I wrote here. Some of my politics leaked in, but otherwise...zilch. Not to fear.

Thank you for your interest. I had fun.

PPS - Glynn Evans - you seem like a cool, genuine guy. Thanks for being determined. With all due respect, I apologize for screwing with you. Hope you see the humour.

PPPS - I came so close to getting the worst record on blog explosion's Battle of the Blogs. So close. But Snoop was determined to keep it. I didn't want to waste another month creeping up on him. Too bad. That would have made it even funnier.

Should There Be a Dress Code For Women?

The experiment of liberalism has brought with it a troubling trend: the feeling of entitlement for women. I fully support a woman's right to participate in the good fortunes of western societies. At what point, however, are the boundaries of decency broken; when should we turn our heads in anguish and finally admit that secular sexual improprieties will one day be the ruination of us all? The so-called sexual revolution has done nothing but categorically contribute to the objectification of women and has removed morality from their grasp. If we could compromise in our societies and develop a plan to return sexuality to women it would be another step in reclaiming Christian strength.

Why do women feel it necessary to impose "their freedom of sexuality" on everyone throughout the Western world? I believe that they have been systematically brainwashed by the power structure to believe that their freedom comes through the removal of moral constrictions. Is it not surprising, though, that the sexual revolution coupled with the feminist movement have turned female sexuality into a sellable commodity? It is in a sense a form of prostitution. To think that women parade themselves around like peacocks in public with makeup, skimpy outfits, and disgusting tattoos is nothing less that abhorrent. Is this freedom? I think not. Rather than having restrictions imposed upon them they have simply given society a free ride, so to speak.

What should we do about this? In order to protect women from themselves we need to create a dress code. It will not be too extreme. The mantra should be "appropriateness." And indeed I should note that it should be enforced through a multi-tiered fines system. We can work together with governments to ensure that women understand the impact that their perversions have had on Western civilization.